Today was one of those days when I realize (once again) how little I really understand. I don’t understand the ways of the world, or the ways of the Lord. This depresses the hell out of me.
It seems rather popular to talk about the belief/concept/machinations of God on these blogs. This happens to be a topic that I have been spending a lot of time thinking about lately. So, while I don’t have much to offer on the subject, I will follow suit.
I don’t really know anything about God. I have a few small beliefs about the way he works that serve as my framework for discussion, but other than that I am a bit clueless. I feel strange when I hear people speak about God’s motions in their lives, because this experience is foreign to me. I don’t know what people mean when they say that “God is working in their lives.” (I don’t want to doubt anyone’s spiritual experience, but it seems like their experiences don’t really pertain to me personally)
However, lately (and for no apparent reason) I have felt something that I call God “moving” inside of me. It feels a bit like having something on the tip of my tongue. It’s an idea, or a feeling or something that sits on the horizon of my heart (or mind or soul or whatever). I don’t know what it is, or how to get to it. So I have been doing the following:
reading my Bible more (at all)
praying more than just before sleep
reading books written about christian spirituality
This is a method I learned in sunday school, and so far it seems to be helping — a little bit. I’m still confused and utterly lacking in understanding, but I feel like little by little things are becoming more clear.